Contrast5

Contrast4

Contrast3

Contrast2

Contrast1

So You Say You Wanna Date An Older Woman Part 1

So you say that you would like to date an older woman. I get the appeal, I really do.  It starts with her openness, doesn't it?  Her ability to be vulnerable in a way you’ve never quite experienced, it’s not entirely without fear, but it’s with an understanding that this fear is momentary. She's walked through fire and come out the other side and you love that strength.  She’s openly discovering parts of herself that she never knew existed and in some ways you're helping her with that.  She’s excited for you and what you're building, but not because she wants a piece of it, she has her own, she doesn't need yours.  She wants to see you realize your dreams and will never get in the way of that, because she knows she must realize her own.  She has spent too long in the wrong places, so seeing her feeling like she’s in the right one with you, is something to behold. 

You watch her at dinner from across the restaurant table, speaking animatedly about her day as she takes a sip of her margarita.  A small smile starts to grow inside of you, slowly making its way to your face, she sees it and she smiles too. You enjoy the way she sits in her own pretty, not needing to act pretty because she just knows that she is.  Her comfort in her own skin is the sexiest thing about her, the thing that makes you feel warm when you're near her.  She’s not interested in marriage or living with you, she’s been there, she’s done that.  She has her kids already and it's very unlikely that you will ever have to worry about getting her pregnant, after all she is grown and trustworthy.  Her own space and her own company are what she loves the most, yours is extra.  You are the icing on her cake and she makes no secret of that.  Living out loud is her thing, so you know exactly who you're dealing with.  And the sex, the sex between an older woman and younger man…it’s different to say the least.

It starts with you, being able to be entirely you when you’re with her.  She’s secure enough within herself, not to need you to be anyone else.  You tell her what you love in bed and she doesn’t  judge, she feels honored to be the one you can share it with.  She's worked through her own shame and judgment is no longer part of her life.   Your sex life with her is raw and open, she has realized who she is sexually, understands her own body, its power and the freedom that lies within it.  All she wants is for you to help her explore it further. 

She has lost time to make up for, so she’s a bit insatiable on most days. You have her on the living room floor, the kitchen counter, the edge of the couch, your bathroom sink, everywhere, anywhere.  She gives her whole self to you, because doing things half way holds no appeal for her anymore.  She understands that when you tell her how you would love for her to look, it’s not a rejection of who she is now, but merely a fantasy that you would like fulfilled.  The lashes, the stilettos, the thin yoga pants that trace the outline of her femininity. The lingerie how you like it, very high fishnet stockings, the ones where her ass cheeks gently spill over the lace bands that hug tight around her thick thighs, the sheer bra that allows your tongue to trace her nipple through it.   The way she talks shit in bed, nothing is taboo when she’s with you.  This kind of older woman is different from the rest.   You say this is what you want, but can you actually handle her? 

To be continued soon: Pt. 2 "What You'll Need To Know If You Intend To Try"

Let’s Talk About Sex: Part I “This Is Me”

I’ve been saying for awhile that I wanted to start talking about sex, but then I didn’t.  The thing is I have soooo much to say on the subject.  As I approach my 50th birthday, I simply have so much to say.  However as women, we are told that sex is private, we are warned that talking about sex publicly, is wrong.  And whoa as a mother and a single one at that, there is an even greater taboo against me being vocal about sex.  But the truth is, I love sex!  I love talking about sex, I love thinking about sex, and damn… I definitely love having sex.  So I’m ready to write about sex. 

I grew up in a time where we were taught to fear sex.  I took sex education at James Madison High School in Brookyn in 1988, at the height of the AIDS epidemic.  I don’t remember learning anything about how perfect sex can be, how good it can feel, how natural it is to want it and how normal it is to think about it, often.  The messages to girls were clear, sex was dangerous and men will say anything to get it!   As a young woman growing up in the 90’s I had no idea that I could own my own narrative about sex.  So instead I was just confused.  I knew I loved sex, but I felt a tremendous amount of guilt and fear attached to the act.  There were times in my twenties and even when I first started dating again after my marriage ended, that I would have a perfect orgasm and move swiftly into a state of anxiety.  I feel so bad for the men who experienced that with me, but honestly the ones who did were pretty amazing about it.  I had a love hate relationship, with sex. 

I believe I may have gotten married simply because I was so fearful of dating and having sex, in a world that I simply did not trust.  My husband felt trustworthy to me, so I married him. During my marriage, I quickly stopped feeling like the highly sexual being I had been prior to getting married.  It’s crazy, but I did.  I just thought those days were over for me.  I mean we had sex a lot, but I didn’t love it anymore.  And it was not his fault, for all the men out there who are thinking that it was. He was a generous lover, there was just a mental block for me, I couldn’t connect or communicate with him the way I wanted to sexually.  He didn’t even know me in bed, I did not let him know me.  I could write a whole post on why this was and still never get to the truth.  But for now I will simply say, we were not right for each other.  So you can imagine that after 17 years, when my marriage ended and I realized that I still had a tremendous sex drive, I was simply elated

And that brings me to now.  To being close to turning 50, to a moment where I have fully stepped into the truest version of myself.  I've had some time to shed old stories and most recently some really fantastic moments sexually.  I have no more anxiety and very little fear around my own sexuality.  I have a tremendous understanding of my own power as a woman and a deep understanding of my own body.  There is a knowing of what I need to feel comfortable and free with the man I choose to be with.  That’s where I am now.  That’s who you’re going to get in the posts to come.  I hope you read them.  I hope you love them!  

The Truth You’ve Always Known

I’ve had so many ideas recently for blog posts and even one or two bigger dreams and yet lately I’ve found myself frozen.  I haven’t moved forward in the way that I had hoped.  That happens doesn’t it? Sometimes we want so badly to accomplish something and suddenly we find ourselves not moving toward that dream at all.  Instead, going in a different direction, seeking approval, love, good feelings from somewhere outside of ourselves.  Often yearning for them, from another person.  We have those moments of drifting toward someone else to satisfy us, because we think within them, we will find our answers.  We will finally find our worth.  They will be the one to prove to us and the rest of the world, how good we really are.  How worthy we really are.

These are hard things to admit to oneself, these are hard things to admit to myself.  To know that there are moments that I look to him, to feel my wholeness is a hard a truth to see and speak.   It is behavior that will never result in the outcomes that I am hoping for, in my career or love.  We can never find our worth or the whole of who we really are, in another human being.  It is an unsustainable high that we will forever be chasing, if we do not see it for what it is and course correct.

The beauty of this life though, is that we get to start over at any given second.  We get to forgive ourselves and do better at any given moment.  We are always whole, our dreams are always waiting for us to line up with them, independent of anything that anyone else says, does, or thinks about us.  Imagine the power in that!  It makes so much more sense that the way we feel be dependent on our own beliefs about ourselves, then anything anyone else could do or say.   He may think I am a simply amazing woman, he may think I am beautiful, he may have love in heart for me,  but if I cannot find that love within myself, I won’t ever be able to feel his.  And so, I’m tapping on this keyboard, turning back toward my dreams. Letting you know, that you can too.  

I Felt His Heartbeat

I was lying in bed one morning recently next to the man I’m dating and he slipped his hand under my thigh as he began to doze off.  I felt his heartbeat pulsating from his wrist.  It was one of the strongest heartbeats I have ever felt. I closed my eyes to it and lay in appreciation of that thump, thump, thump.  I wondered if I could sync my own heartbeat to it.  For a moment in time I let go of all of my wandering thoughts about us, I let go of the questions in my head and just felt his heartbeat.  I was fully present. I was fully happy.

Moments in time get really interesting when you begin to become present.  When you realize that for most of your life, you've been living somewhere outside of the actual time and space that you were occupying.  Too busy being afraid, trying to control, lost in the past and wrapped up in the false stories of the future.  How many times have you misinterpreted what was being said to you? How many times have you missed the full experience, because you were listening to the resounding noise of your own mind, rather than the words that were being spoken to you?  None of that matters now, all that matters is learning to become present in as many more moments of your life as you possibly can.  Imagine what would change if you could smell, taste, touch, see, feel all of life as it's happening.  Imagine what could flow into your existence. 

While becoming present can be achieved in different ways,  the one I think that has been the most powerful for me is meditation.  The sitting quietly for 15 minutes a day I have been doing since summer began and before that.  The bringing of my attention consistently out of my own thoughts and to the sounds around me.  A willingness to learn to create blank space in my own mind, if only for a few seconds.  The training that allows me to more quickly recognize that I have left the present moment, that I am out of alignment and that I need to bring myself back.  Don’t get me wrong, I still continuously get lost in my thoughts throughout the day.  Having thoughts is who we are as humans, but they don’t have hurt.  They don’t have to be fearful or negative, you can learn to choose the ones that feel good to think.  This change hasn't come to me all at once, it has come in bits and pieces over time and continues to astound me. It is a practice and the rewards of this practice are infinite.  They are me immersed in my real life, not the one in my head.  They can be seen and felt in so many ways, but my favorite, at least for now… was his heartbeat.

I Love Your Foot Fetish

I never knew I had pretty feet, I swear I didn't. I would go so far as to say that I thought I had ugly feet and tried to hide them throughout much of my life. My best friends growing up were Greek and Italian, Georgia and Kim. They both had long, sun kissed brown toes, with beautifully large pronounced toenails that they mostly painted red. They wore sandals everywhere we went. And that was the standard of foot beauty, like so many other things in life that I held myself up to. I had decided that if my feet didn't look like theirs… they must be unattractive. Then one day, years later, that all changed.

My marriage had ended and I reluctantly decided to give online dating a shot. One evening after dinner while scrolling through Bumble, I came upon a profile of a gorgeous Portuguese man who said he was a sucker for a pair of high heels. I thought…well I can do high heels and swiped right, to my amazement we matched! Late that same evening after messaging for a bit, he asked if he could have a picture of my feet. I was nervous and I thought ugh, of all things, my feet? I worked up the nerve and sent it anyway, what came back was a turning point for me. He had sent me a sweaty face emoji! You know the one with the little bead of blue sweat, dripping down the tiny round yellow face. I was shocked. He said I had perfect arches and suckable toes, I was doubly shocked! And while I never went on a date with him, he really did change my life.

While I have yet to date a man with a full on foot fetish, I did once have a moment with a younger man I was dating. Let's just say, one morning…my feet…became the center of his attention and I never forgot it. Over the last few months on Instagram I've learned a lot about foot fetishes from my followers. Men who love feet want to see the soles of feet, some wanna see them scrunched up, some love sweaty feet, some love the smell of feet. Quite often men will even offer to pay for my pedicure, although to date I have never accepted the offer. As you can imagine for these men, feet become an integral part of their sexual pleasure and while there seems to be a lot of societal judgement about this, I think it's kind of awesome.

While all men with foot fetishes are different. I'm sure the one who will have my interest..is very likely much more sensual than your average man. He is definitely a pleaser. This man isn't only into feet, my feet are just a part of his time spent with me and I love the thought of that . When I hear a man scoff at the idea of a foot fetish, I actually get a little turned off these days. I need to be with a man that is open to all that life has to offer. I've been told I have the most beautiful soles that some men have ever seen and I don't take that compliment lightly. I've learned that my feet, like every other part of me, should be appreciated by the man I'm with. I love, that you love my feet and that you're comfortable enough to be open with me. I love your foot fetish.